The concept that "Livin' On a Prayer" by Bon Jovi is now considered an Oldie song by people is disturbing to me. No really... look here.

I feel old now. Geez.

Wow... you mean, I can actually access my blog again? Eesh... this thing's been harder than hell to get into.

I have no thoughts for the moment. Will probably do some serious typing in my journal later. But I was worried that this thing wouldn't be working for me.

Off to get contracts done and get this pit of a cubicle cleaned out.

--Mel.

My forecasts are done for work. Thank goddess. I thought those were going to take me the rest of this week. I guess that doing some work at home over the weekend can help once in a while. :)

I have a bunch of little projects here and there that I need to get done for work, including a lot of contracts that I am less than enthused to take care of. I'll put the contracts off until tomorrow. Right now the phone tree for emergencies sounds much more tolerable for late Monday afternoon-ish work. Don't you think? :)

Over my lunch hour, I got a bunch of work done on my character for a Ravenloft campaign I'll be joining on Saturday. Erich's friend Anthony is running this, and apparently it's a campaign that they ended in mid-battle. I've never played Ravenloft, and only know a bit about it... mostly stuff that's been explained over the last couple weeks or so. It should be interesting to try a new system out.

My character is an elven ranger originally from Qualinesti on Krynn (aka Dragonlance novels). How exactly she ended up in Ravenloft is something I'll have to coordinate with Anthony. Her name is Eiliries Selenduil, aka Elly for short. 115 years old (quite young for an elf), green eyes, brown hair. Good dexterity, pretty average charisma. Everything else is a bit above average (I rolled quite nicely... everything from 11-17). So here's hoping I can get her to survive long enough... I'd like to have her become an arcane archer.

Ah well... dreams for this weekend. Off to work again.... the phone tree calleth.

The full/blue moon this week seems to have thrown things into a bit of flux. Man, I just feel like I've been getting hit over the head with a brick. I'm so damn exhausted for some reason.

Ugh.

Not good, either, because I have so much to get done here at work. I guess I'm staying late tonight. *sigh*

My god... it's quarter to five and it's already pitch black out. I hate the end of Daylight Savings Time.

My world has turned to black again for the next six months. Noooooooooooooooo!

Dear Goddess,

Help me get through a day of having to placate Bigger Boss while Linda is not here. Since I know I won't get anything else done at all.

Please?

Sunday morning... watching Sports Century about Carlton Fisk on TV and trying to get myself motivated to clean this disaster area. I hate cleaning, but then I become a lazy ass and let it get to the point where cleaning is punishment rather than a short-term chore.

Grrrrrr....

Still, I know once I get it done, I'll feel better, and just feel less cluttered with my life.

Well, onward then...

*sigh*

If people would (or could) communicate with each other, things would be so much easier.

It's not my job to be all-points person for this entire company. We have people hired to be IT people, to be telephone people, to be EVERYTHING.

So why in the hell do they all come to me?!?

I work with weird people.

That is all.

To sum up what I'm doing all day at work today: Data entry.

Got the CD's, have had coffee (and will get more). Wearing comfy clothes to be sitting in all day. So I'm prepped. I have a stack of individual sheets of paper about four inches thick (yes, I measured)... up and at 'em....

*does the battle cry as she opens filemaker*

I finally have access to the servers at work again. One month's worth of data entry... just gone. Some stupid IT person forgot to make backups for three weeks. *sigh* I guess tomorrow is going to be a day for bringing in loads of CD's, tuning out, and just becoming close personal friends with the FilemakerPro database.

Still haven't received a phone call setting up a meeting time with LGM. Not surprised. A bit annoyed, but it's typical him. Charlene makes a good observation about narcissism that fits LGM to a T today. I almost thought about sending it to him, but he needs to get in touch with me this time. I'm sick of reaching out to him and getting shit on in return.

Ah well... off to grab some lunch and get back to work. I wanna see if I can get everything prepped for data entry that I could possibly need to today, as well as get anything outgoing in the mail out to vendors.

--Mel.

Just got home a few minutes ago from gaming today. Fun game, lots of laughter.

And LGM showed up. Go figure. *shrug* I'm wondering if he's going to actually set the time to talk. Somehow, I doubt it.

Ah well. In any case, I want to get some swapping and palling stuff done before I go to bed. I have a busy day of taming The Beast in store tomorrow. And if LGM actually does call, then I have that to deal with, too.

*sigh*

--Mel.

Being female sucks sometimes. Yes, that wonderful "gift" of womanhood has shown up again, which means that I'll be curled up in pain come this evening, feeling sluggish and bloated, and not wanting to do a damn thing.

*sigh* I swear, the older I get, the worse the hormone shift with my period seems to get. And I just don't get the women who "embrace" their menstrual cycles as a beautiful thing. It fucking hurts. It's a miserable few days of being paranoid that blood is going to show up on your clothing, or that you're going to pee your pants accidently because of retained water.

Meanwhile, I see all of the crunchy granola Pagans who have all of these beautiful meditation rituals and self-reflection rituals and such to do during the menstrual flow. All I can think of is how I could possibly sit comfortably, let alone do these things.

Grrrr... Aleve, take me away....

I was woken up by an odd phone call this morning. One of my penpals from Australia called me at 7:30, and kinda kept nervous giggling at me. I was completely asleep, and I think I was more than a bit rude on the phone, partially for being in half-zoned state, and partially for getting a call out of the blue from someone who I didn't give my number to. *wince* I have to admit, though... it scares me that people just randomly call when I use a post office box for penpalling, and I *don't* give out my phone number. I hate talking on the phone. (see my regular journal about social phobia).

I guess it just seems like a bit of an invasion of privacy. And it seems to be a recurring trend with penpallers these days. I mean... if someone doesn't give you their phone number and say "sure... call me anytime..." then DON'T.

--Mel.

Well, another day in the insanity ward.

nah, I'm just kidding. Things aren't that bad. I'm just getting some time to smirk at one of my department art buyers who has been on a power-trip and got caught in her own game. I'm sorry-- but if you're going to start smarting off about how lousy a system works, better make sure you're crossing T's and dotting I's along the way and have things correct. Because if you're not accurate, it doesn't show me that you care enough to make the system more efficient. You make mistakes, don't complain.

Today's incident had to do with tax ID numbers/SS numbers for art illustrators. She doesn't think it's a big deal that the name of the company was on the contract with the individual's SS number. Well, yeah... it does matter. Because it doesn't match. Even if the individual's name is part of the association's name (John Doe and Associates sorta thing), it does matter.

*sigh* Of course, this is the same person who doesn't care that there is a system. As long as there is one, it's wrong. And she has to go against the system.

I hate people like this.

I have a total of $6.00 to last me until next Monday.... unless I can figure out something to get my American Express gift check cashed.

I don't want to go to my bank, because Fleet sucks. (the only reason I'm still with them is because I've been too busy to change elsewhere).

I guess I'll have to use part of it to buy something and then get the change... *sigh*
--Mel.

*sniffle* ugh. My allergies are going to be the death of me, I swear. They're just making me completely exhausted this evening. And it's now too late to get coffee if I want to get any sleep tonight.

Maybe I should just head to bed early....

Fizzy does realize that he's getting too big to curl up on my shoulder, right?

*neck gets crinked into funky position by cat rubbing against head*

Guess not.

Finally got the closet cleaned up... considering it's about a quarter of the beast's disaster area... I feel a sense of accomplishment.

Unfortunately, I have to stop for the evening with cleaning, even though there's still so much to do. I have a couple of serious strikes against me right now...

1) It's fucking cold outside, and since my landlord hasn't turned the heat on yet, I can't ventilate the studio by opening the windows without freezing to death

2) I'm knocking a ton of dust up by pulling boxes out of the closet, kicking my allergies and my asthma into full-gear.

Ugh.

Oh well, at least I got the closet done. The rest of the apartment can go in stages, but what I got done was an impressive amount. Me thinks some really yummy soup for dinner is in order....

Well, it's definitely been an eventful weekend. I'll be writing a fairly long entry in my journal about it later today. But I'll sum it up with the thought "You know... it's just so fitting..."

In any case, since we didn't have shuttle service from the T to work today, I took a personal day off. Cleaning out the closet of the Beast. Hopefully I can get that done today in reasonable time. Then I'll do some journal work and penpalling stuff and have a day of getting stuff done around here and put my everyday life back in order.

And we'll see if the eventful weekend makes some progress in cleaning out my eventful longterm life as well...

Now that I've spent a couple days trying to get this thing to work... :)

I'm going for a serious triple-header of gaming this weekend. First down to play Sideport in Randolph for the afternoon, and then Erich and I are driving up to Nashua to spend the weekend with Tan and JT. We'll play our traditional Innburners game this evening (which Erich and I will be late for), crash out for the night, and then tomorrow play the new campaign, Legacy. It should be a lot of fun, even though most of the Boston crew have decided to be pissants and not come up to NH for whatever reason.

So I'm off until tomorrow night... take care!

--Mel.

Ah! NOW it's working. Coolness. Publish button is good. Really. It's our friend.

For some reason none of my posts want to come up on the template. I'm wondering what's wrong. *sigh*

Ah well... sooner or later I'll figure this thing out. Then we can actually start doing some rambling from time to time. So here's another test....

Okay... severe lag time I take it with blogspot? Yikes... nothing's showing up.

So... how's this thing working? This is a very odd system. I think I'm getting all confused.

Post-donation fatigue

Well, I finally got my butt in gear and went back to donate platlets down at the Red Cross. Two hours in the chair, and I feel a bit cold and tired, but I feel good, too. It’s amusing… donating red blood cells only takes about a half-hour, and you can only donate every eight weeks. Platlets take four times as long… but you can donate them every three to four days. Go figure.

In any case, I’m going again next Thursday. I figure it’s the easiest way and most productive way for me to do some community service time. I probably won’t keep going *every* week, but since I’d neglected going for a year, I have to do a bit of self-induced pennance. Plus, they’re BEGGING for platlet donors, saying that they can’t even keep up with the demand for them. I wonder how fast it will take for mine to get used? I figure they have to go through the standard tests first… so in two days, maybe?

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Dear Goddess–there’s a Journal Con? (looking at the ad above the entry form on the screen). What the heck do they do at a journal con? Sit around and just write?

Colley’s meowing and wandering around the apartment again. I’m pretty sure he wants to be taken outside, but I don’t know where I put his harness and leash, so he’ll have to stay in for the night. It’s freezing out there, anyway. He can wait until spring really arrives in the city. Then he’ll be going out so often that he’ll probably get sick of it. That is, he’ll be going out until I get tired of bombing the apartment for fleas. =) Ooop… never mind… he’s off to his perch up on the top of the Yaffa blocks. What a cutie.

I guess I’ll spend the evening getting material together to update my website. I can’t believe I haven’t done a thing with it in two years. It’s pathetic, isn’t it? No wonder so many newbie Pagans feel like there’s no current info… my site’s one of thousands that has been forgotten and just left to blow in the superhighway crosswinds. Granted, Real Life ™ has gotten in the way. But still, I should have been able to keep something up to date. I think the basic info page still has me at 23… three years out of date? Just a bit behind the times, no?

Off to mess around with my settings on this thing again. Maybe I’ll get a nifty setup together. =)

–mel.

Fundies

Why the fuck can't people accept that others have the right to their own thoughts and beliefs?

I try to be as accepting as possible. Not of the specific practices of another faith, but in respecting someone's right to believe the way they do. I realize I'm way too naive in hoping that by doing so, I'll get that respect back. Stupid!Measi.

Now, as a Wiccan who's been on the web for several years, has a webpage and contact info, I'm well aware of fundie syndrome. I've been attacked by it on several occasions. But now I'm seeing it happen to a friend, and it pisses me off to no end.

You see... I have a friend, (X) who is separated from his wife. He was kicked out of the house after having an affair. Yes, he was wrong. And yeah, he deserves to be kicked out. But now... THREE YEARS AFTER, as the divorce is being finalized, he's engaged to a wonderful woman who he's truly happy with, and he's trying to get on with his life, one of his friends (The Fundie) of twentysome-odd years is deciding to pull the "I am a good Christian and you're not" bullshit.

My friend's already been kicked out of his church because, as The Fundie put it, he was no longer welcome after what he did with his marriage. Completely shut out. Gone. Why? Because he'd sinned "past the point of redemption." *snort* Well, whatever.

But NO... it gets better. Now that X has decided to live with his fiancÈe, and get their lives going, it's become a huge problem to The Fundie. "He's living with another woman while he's still married!!!" "He's breaking his promises as to his responsibilities as a father!!!" "He's unremorseful for what he's done because he hasn't asked to be let back into the church!!!" and so-on and so-on. Well, heck... let's discuss this from my point of view as a child of divorce, shall we?

1) X lives in a shithole apartment and needs to move elsewhere just to start feeling human again.
2) He's been living only a few minutes away from his kids and ex-wife
3) About every other weekend, he has the kids. And he does a LOT of things with them... D&D, Girl Scouts, sports, etc. He's very involved with his kids' lives
4) Just because he's moving to another town which is still within decent driving distance (about an hour away) does not mean he's skirting his responsibilities
5) If I had my entire congregation turn their backs on me and lock me out, I wouldn't go the fuck back, either.

So The Fundie has decided that not only will he not help X when he eventually moves into his new place... he will not come over to X's house "until he's in a correct marriage." And why isn't X already in a correct situation? Because as The Fundie damn well knows, X was told by the judge that the divorce settlement wasn't fair for *X* and that it had to be rewritten before it would be approved. X just wants out of the marriage to end the whole thing.

So The Fundie, "not wanting to make a big deal" out of the situation, has apparently told everyone... except X... his view on the situation. Which leaves the rest of us in a very uncomfortable position. Do we tell X? Do we wait and let The Fundie tell X?

Grrrrr....

Fucking Fundies.

I try to be tolerant... but damn if they won't turn me into a complete bigot.

Ongoing Cast of Characters and Common Terminology

The Players

Measi: That would be me. I have a bio file on another page... you can also press the "about" button to the left of this text block. :)

Erich: My boyfriend since late May. It's frightening how well we get along together. He's 27, a born-and live-long Massachusetts guy (no accent, I might add), and is interested in just about all of the geekiness that I am. I love him a lot. I'm just having to get over all of the crap from past relationships to open up to him more, so our relationship is going very slowly. Erich currently lives in one of the South Shore suburbs of Boston... and has a car. (oooh.... ahhhhh).

Little Gray Man (LGM): Male, 25, born in NJ, grew up in Florida, now lives in the suburban wilds of NYC. Also is an adoptee. He is the person who has helped me develop my most dysfunctional friendship... in both good and bad ways. Ex-lover, ex-pseudo-boyfriend, ex-roommate (reverse that in the order that they happened). We're in the middle of repairing six years of shit right now. Not sure where it's leading, but hoping to regain the trust and get rid of some of the fear that I have toward him. He is an extremely passionate, sensitive person who kinda lost his way the past couple years, and now (hopefully) is starting to dig under the crap to get back to the gem that's underneath it all.

Wildcard: Male, born 1976 in Columbia, adopted and raised in New York. Lives in Boston. Wildcard is, well... probably the title he holds is You Lucky Fucking Bastard. Both in and out of our roleplaying sessions. Wildcard has tons of energy, tons of curiosity, and is completely spontaneous. If you've ever read the DragonLance novels, Wildcard is Tasslehoff incarnate.

Avatar: Male, born 1976, raised in upper New York State. Lives in Boston. Avatar's also an ex-roomate who moved into Egremont with LGM and I for the last year that we lived there. Avatar's a guy's guy... and until the last year or so was in more of an annoying college guy mode. He's really come into his own in the last few months, and as he's grown, I've liked him more and respected him more. Avatar is infamous for extremely amusing melodrama (purposely created melodrama for the sake of joking around, I might add).

Ogre: Isn't one. :) But I don't have a better name for him at the moment, so I'll use part of his email-name. Ogre is 30, born and raised in Mass. I met him through one of my college friends, Ivy. He's a hockey fan, a fun guy to be around, and happens to be into the BSDM scene. Someone I was interested in for a while, but the night I was going to ask him, he told me about his entrance into the "scene." I'm a curious outsider and knew I wouldn't be relationship material for him. I never talked to him about it, and we've developed a good strong friendship. Ogre is one of the rare people who actually provides comfort to people who are hurting at the same time as *gently* pointing out issues/signs that might have been missed.

JT: Male, early-forties, born and raised in Mass, currently is engaged to and lives in New Hampshire with Tan below. Has three kids from previous marriage. JT is the DM--that's Dungeon Master, which is different than Game Master only in the sense that we're talking Dungeons and Dragons rather than Heroes--of an extremely large (15 people total) gaming group nicknamed the Innburners that includes LGM, Wildcard, Avatar, Tan, myself, and many others who will be probably be added to the list. JT's a very cool guy who helped me out a lot, and hopefully without too much "ick... twenties angst stupidity!" thoughts during the most recent drama round of LGM and me. He also has written some 2nd Edition D&D material and is currently doing a couple freelance projects for Wizards of the Coast and their upcoming RPG titles.

Tan: Female, 35 (she pointed this out to me after finding my journal. *cough* consider me whacked). Engaged to and lives with JT above. Has one daughter that lives with the two of them. Tan's the level-headed female of our gaming group, lots of fun, and a damn-good player. Over the past few months, JT and Tan have become very close friends of mine. If anything, I think I've started pulling away from the "Boston Crew" and find myself enjoying my time with them far more.

Grace: Female, mid-twenties. Raised in New York state, lives in Boston. Until recently was LGM's girlfriend. Major drama queen, and has a fit if her ass isn't kissed. That's about all I have to say about her. And now that LGM has broken up with her, I doubt I'll have much more to say about her. She's included only because of her inclusion in entries in Spring 2001.

Colley: Also known by his full name, "Colorado Kat." The big fuzzy love of my life. =) Colley's a Norwegian Forest Cat, which normally is compared to a Maine Coon. He weighs around 13 pounds, and when he stretches out next to me, his head is next to my knee, and the tips of his toes neary hit my shoulder. He's a lovebug, and definitely thinks he's a human toddler. He's also a wonderful older brother and protector of Fizzy.

Fizzy: Also known by his full name, "Mephisto." He's the little fizzy love of my life. :) Fizzy is a mixed-breed kitten born in June 2001. He's a lovebug, a strong purrbaby, and hyper as hell. He also likes to climb up my back and perch on my shoulders. One of his nicknames by my gaming group is Fizzylactus, which is a tie in with The Finn's description of Lich Kittens, and a lich we fought in one of our Dungeons & Dragons sessions. He's my little vicious kitty.

Dad and Anne: Live in Montana. They're happy. I love them both. Dad is an OB-GYN. Anne, my step-mom, trains special-ed kids with horseback riding and does some other part-time work. They've been married since 1999.

Mom and Jim: Live in Pennsylvania. They're planning to get married by the end of the year, but haven't actually set a date. Mom is a real-estate agent. Jim works his ass off for the electric company.

Scott: My pain in the ass 23-year old brother. Currently living in Arizona after getting his associates in virtual-reality design. I talk to him around the holidays, and otherwise don't really concern myself too much with him, because we have personalities that just don't mesh. Of course my mom still insists that we'll be the best of friends someday.

Em and John: My step-sibs on Anne's side. John's the same age as Scott. Em's a couple years younger. I've only seen them a few times each over holidays. John is currently in the army, and undoubtedly was called to action with everything going on in the world, but I haven't heard much from my dad about it.

Brett: My soon-to-be step-bro on Jim's side. Lives in Pennsylvania, and was working on his degree last I heard. I haven't seen him much in the last couple years.

---

Terminology

swapping: another term for penpalling. One of my nearly life-long hobbies. I trade letters and these addictive little things called friendship books--fb's for short--with pals all over the world. I don't even check to see how much money I give to the postal service. I'd probably cry. Let's just say that I'm probably putting someone's kid through college right now.

Gaming: anything to do with Dungeons and Dragons (D&D), Heroes, or computer games. Unless it's computer related, it involves funky dice with four, six, eight, ten, twelve, or twenty sides. I keep a journal of our adventure recaps here.

The Great Reset: A final battle to our Heroes campaign in late April 2001. It was a disappointment. That's about all there is to say.

the T: Short for the MBTA, which is short for the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority, which is the subway, bus, and commuter train system for metro Boston. My standard mode of transportation for anything other than walking distance. Cars are an annoyance in Boston, so unless you have a deathwish between the insurance costs and trying to find a parking space, you take the T, which can get you just about anywhere--including Providence, Rhode Island.

Egremont: Name for the apartment that LGM, Avatar, and I... along with a couple others at times... shared for three years in Brighton. Egremont was actually the street name, but like everyone else who has an apartment that winds up being the group's hangout spot, it usually winds up pretending like there was only ONE apartment in existence on the street.


More will be added to this list as needed... so check back if you're confused. =)

In the beginning, there was a form... and it was a good form...

... okay, so my mind is still on Rocky Horror after watching parts of the DVD last night. *Grin*

Perhaps this type of writing will get me off my ass and start writing a bit more in my paper journal.

Maybe not. But heck, it's worth a try anyway. I can keep a diary here and transpose parts of it (and add more to it in the private one).

Granted, this one will be a bit more open. Eventually I'll probably share the link with friends. I keep having people complain about how closed I am, and how I don't share my thoughts as much as I should. I always do better with writing them down, so let them read my ramblings a bit. *shrug*

We're moving John and Carol this weekend to their new apartment in Nashua. I think it'll go well. I just hope that it doesn't rain as much as the news stations keep reporting. (granted, these are the same stations who kept screaming that we were going to be buried under five feet of snow with every storm that came up here all winter... I'm a bit tabloid-weathered out).

Eh... I'll write more later, but have to get back to work since I'm leaving at 4-ish today.

Later,
Measi