Life does move pretty fast, doesn't it?

(Post writing warning-- this went really all over the place. It's long. But it's one of the rare truly inward-reaching entries that I'll write off-the-cuff)


I'm taking the advice of Ferris Bueller and stopping to look around for a moment. Because all of a sudden, life's moving obscenely fast. In a good way. But I'm amazed by all of this, actually, and am a little stunned. Is this what turning 30 does to a person? Or is it just that I've been a slacker since college, and now I need to catch up?

Adding to the still-amazed-at-the-concept-of-marriage event, now we have something else that's really, REALLY big going on.

Sunday? We have an appointment to look at a house. For us. Not for a friend. Not for my brother. Not for my mom.

Us.

And on the outside, it's absolutely beautiful. Minarae has seen an image of it and immediately protested how much said house would cost in San Diego. (I'm not going to post it, though, since we don't own it). I had to point out that this house isn't in Boston or environs. It's in Providence, RI. Where houses are still (amazingly) affordable and we actually have a good shot at getting something that doesn't require us to have up and downstairs neighbors anymore. We've accepted that Massachusetts just Isn't Going To Happen. We can't do it. Not if we want to get a place we're comfortable with.

I just sent Erich copies of my last two paychecks and my W2 for the credit check-- we're going to see what we can get pre-approved for in case this needs to move fast. My head is swirling about this. A house. Not a rental. A house that's owned. I could be living in a house that I own within months. I'm scared shitless, but so excited at the same time. This actually could happen.

And let's get back to the shiny thing on my left ring finger for a moment, to add it to that little mix, shall we? ;)

Wedding date: Isn't definite yet, BUT... as of right now we're planning for May 2006. Place as yet TBD. The reason it's not yet definite is because I want to talk to Erich's mom over Easter weekend to see how comfortable she is with traveling, and now far. Erich would like the wedding to be in Massachusetts. I'm honestly pretty neutral on location. BUT... from talking with my mother, it is expected that we'll at least have a reception in Pennsylvania. And since Mom will be paying for a good portion, I'm going to have to compromise if we have the ceremony up here. (as an aside, splitting the difference and having it halfway between Mass. and Penn. isn't a problem for me, either).

So I need to talk to Erich's mom and get some of her views on this. Because her lesser mobility has to be factored into the equation. So over Easter, I'm going to talk to her and see what her opinions are on this. While I realize that it is ultimately up to me, Erich is her only child-- and a son. She needs to be included as much as she'd like to.

And as an aside, did I mention that my mom was thinking of coming up for Mother's Day, and then we'd all drive up to Maine? The moms would meet. This should be... interesting. Hopefully in a good way.

I'm just in amazement, here, over everything. It's foggy as to exactly when it occurred, but I distinctly remember MY contributions to a conversation back home in Montana that has replayed for years in my head.

During the last Christmas vacation where I saw Andi in person, we had a girls' afternoon at Andi's childhood home for the small group within the band geek group. Jenn, Andi, and I sat there. It was 1997-- we had all just graduated. I was about seven weeks in post-shock from my November 7th nightmare and internalizing everything... as usual. Outwardly? I was... surviving. Inwardly? I was a fucking disaster.

Jenn at that point was engaged, I believe-- I don't think she was married yet (or if she was, it was recent). House buying was on the table for her. I don't recall Andi's romantic situation, but I believe she might have already been with Shawn (her husband). And I was... yeah.

We talked about Jenn's wedding and (gasp) the house. Because it was completely alien to me to even think about a house. At some point during the conversation, I spoke up-- partially out of the current pain, partially out of resignment due to the Jason situation... and commented that I was probably never going to be married. Never have kids. Never have a house. And somewhere along that conversation, Andi made the comment that she just saw me as loving my independence too much. It wasn't a cruel statement in any way. The person she'd known in high school and who she'd seen through emails and such through college was an independent person.

At that point (and honestly, probably until just before I met Erich), I firmly believed I was going to be by myself for the rest of my life. That was probably the only thing I KNEW to be true about myself at that point with any measure of coherency. I was going to be alone.

Given the person I was at the time, that probably would have been a good thing, honestly. Because I had a loooonnng way to go to become me.

Now all of a sudden all of those things that I never thought would happen are smooshing together. And despite this entry, I just don't have the words to describe the feeling. Not really. :)

Can I just yell "Eeeeeeee!" and bounce a lot like a teenager instead?