And now reality sets in with a vengeance

ohmygodwesignedpapersonahouseholyshitwhatthehellarewedoingcan
wehandlethiseeeeeekkkkkkk


My mom calls this "Buyers Remorse." Apparently it's actually a real term, because so did Erich's mom when I talked to her last night. That sheer panic and "What the FUCK did we just do?!?" is sinking in.

It's not a bad move. We're not regretting it. But now the responsibility and money is just looming in front of us. The down payment arrangements are our biggest priority right now. And it looks like an impassable mountain. (holy shit, 10% of the cost of the house is WHAT?!?)

Add in a good dose of my inevitable anxiety, and this gets REALLY fun, folks. Panic keeps going through my mind, tempered by the knowledge that a lot of first-time buyers go through this. It's scary. It's a huge life change. It's a transition to requirements to be Responsible Adult Homeowners (eep!). In a lot of ways, it's similiar to some of the sensations I felt as I was graduating from high school, ready to come to Boston -- nearly an alien nation to me -- for college. Fear of the unknown and a ton of excitement at the same time. Can I handle it? Am I ready? Yes, I am. No, no... fuck, I can't be old enough to own a HOUSE. What the hell am I doing?!?

I know it'll be okay. It's just a lot of hoops to go through. And hopefully everything will go okay and in late April, we'll close on the house.

It's also just the weirdness factor. After work last night, I drove over to the grocery store to pick up a few things, and the world around me just seemed surreal. A week ago, the thought of buying a house wasn't even on my mind. I knew we were planning to look at this house over the upcoming weekend to get an idea of the market. Now I'm realizing that if this goes to plan, we're only going to be living here a mere 8-12 more weeks. And that surreal disorientation throws me back into the buyer's remorse stuff.

Not to mention that I gave myself a forehead slap yesterday morning when I realized the whole timing issues with this. If everything goes to plan (and I realize it usually doesn't... but humor me), the current owner would move out by the end of May. Erich had talked about moving in the first week/weekend of June.

BUT... my office moves June 3rd. And I have to go to the new office for a short day on that Saturday to make sure things are going where they're supposed to, since I've been given the not-so-shiny-or-spiffy Move Coordinator badge. I can handle my entire life being surrounded by boxes for a few weeks if needed. It's just the idea that I'd be having to move my home, but not being able to DO it because I have to work.

Erich's not thrilled on the idea of movers due to past family history with them. But unless we're staying through June, movers might become a real requirement on this. We have a lot of heavy stuff. Thankfully it won't require going up a shitload of stairs-- we've already said that other than the required furniture to go upstairs immediately (our bed, dressers, and desks), we'd either put everything in the living room or the garage to start, and then just work box by box and carry it where it needs to go. (And yes, I'm going to be trying to clean through stuff-- starting this weekend-- so we can pare down as much as possible pre-move.)

All of these thoughts swirl at once. But for now, I need to get my mind to focus on getting the mortgage arranged. That is our current priority. The rest can be figured out as we go.

~ Mel.