Family Matters

In about an hour, Erich and I are heading up to Maine for the first time since his mom's death. We're spending the weekend doing some intial inventory of her belongings to give to the lawyer Erich's hired to help with her estate, sorting papers as best we can, and whatever else we actually can cram into a normal-length weekend.

Everything just feels... odd.

For the most part, life has been going about as normal for the past two weeks. Erich seems to be doing okay with everything. I'll go for a day or so, and then suddenly remember she's gone (and then feel guilty for forgetting). It still doesn't seem real. I imagine that's going to change around nine tonight when we get to Maine...

I've been asked by a few people this week how I'm doing, how Erich's doing, etc. I reply "He seems to be doing fine..." to the second question. We haven't talked much about how he's doing, but that's mostly because Erich (like me) tends to be a bit private about his feelings, especially when he's working through something. To the first, it tends to be mixed. The most accurate answer is "I'm not sure." I've been on a bit of an emotional wave lately, and it really depends on the exact moment I get asked.

I feel clumsy and awkward about it all, yet at the same time I seem to be having an easy time accepting death... and I'm honestly not sure whether that's a good thing or not.