Just tired of it all... (rant)

This entry will most likely border on the TMI for a bit... just for forewarning. If you're not one to tolerate discussions of bodily functions and the annoyances they sometimes cause, forgive this doctor's daughter for an open entry here, and just skip it...

I've been in one of those Oh God the Admin Is Cranky moods today. It started shortly after I arrived at my desk, and has just continued throughout the day. This is thanks to a number of factors, all of which are annoyances on their own, but together add up to just... gah.

Problem One: The Post-Move Stupidity... Again After last summer, I swore if I had to deal with another department move, I'd make sure that it wouldn't de-evolve into chaos again. Last year was pure hell. Sadly, despite everyone claiming that it's been a much smoother move this year, I'm not seeing much of a difference. I've now been back from vacation for a total of four working days. I have yet to have more than a five minute stretch without someone in my office with a complaint or a problem or some random issue that couldn't be solved simply by walking around and FINDING THE SOLUTION (i.e. "where is the fax machine?!?"). And I just can't get a break to get my shit done.

I seriously wonder how some people survive in the world. I wonder how they manage to raise children. Are they just that incapable of trying to find the answer themselves? And why are they so shocked, after seeing (I kid you not) a line five people deep outside my office, that I might actually say "I don't know where the new conference room XYZ is-- I haven't had a chance to leave my desk to walk around yet and find it"?

Add to that the problems that I'm now getting blamed for by my managers that THEY created, and I've just been trying to band-aid to keep myself sane: they take our department's meeting room off the outlook planner at large... well, then Facilities instructs me to manage reservations for the room. And then my managers bitch about the temporary system-- which I clearly said was temporary and would be adjusted upon feedback- system to do said reservations. Why yes, BiggerBoss, it does cause a lot of confusion- not to mention extra email and work for me. "well just put a calendar outside the room for people to sign up for it"-- then just put it back on OUTLOOK, for gods sake! And don't complain that people might think they have to ask permission for supplies if they're in a locked room-- that's what YOU asked Facilities to do! You required the supply cabinets to go into a room which has a door that automatically locks... and also tell me to put a computer in there that's on a roller cart with no way to otherwise secure it.

That scream of pain you hear is me pounding my head into my new office wall. I'm breaking it in, you see.


Problem Two: The Digestive System Since birth, I've been one of those people with an intestinal tract that works on its own schedule, regardless of what really would be ideal. Unfortunately, if I stray too much off of my normal routine and intake of liquids or food, it costs me dearly. Since the Bahamas trip ended, I've been on an every-two-day constipation from hell and then full body cleanout stretch (with all the stomach pains and bathroom trips). I know that it originated from getting dehydrated while I was there, despite all attempts to drink water by large bottlesfull. But last week, I wound up having two nights of really random and short-lived fever spikes as some bug gets through my system. I'm tired of feeling bloated. I'm tired of unproductive trips to the bathroom. I'm really tired of the side effects of Immodium that last for a week after one dose, even if it does help in the short term. And quite honestly, I'm getting really sick of having any thoughts whatsoever about my bowels and the movements therein. I don't feel shitty enough for it to be a case of Montezuma's Revenge. Well... perhaps it is that shitty... but in the literal sense. I have no idea.

But it needs to end. Now.


Problem Three: Wedding Planning The couples are getting married. Everyone's got their dates, their dresses, their sites, etc. Me? Yeah... well... I'll get there.

No change in the planning, other than what could possibly be considered an actual fight with Erich (so rare, it's notable)... all of a sudden last week he was pushing to get this moving and I was (due to the preceding two issues) just NOT in any shape to deal with it and fighting tears as he kept pushing at me until I did the only thing I could to get it OFF of my plate of issues: "well then you call her."

And so he did. And immediately, thanks to both how I felt physically and emotionally, I had a visit to the toilet to puke.

This is where I now am with the stress level of planning my wedding- it's causing me to throw up.

All of a sudden, my mother's changing her tune... oh no, her expectations for the guest list were only "suggestions." Yeah... um... no. They weren't. Any explanations I gave for a small wedding were met with "I want you to do what you want to do for your wedding... BUT..."

The problem with my wedding is that I'm well aware that there's this attitude of "well do whatever the hell you want," but that in reality, the grief I'll get for doing whatever I want is simply not worth it to me. I realize I can't please everyone here. But I'm trying to avoid the blatant issues that, through experience, are GOING to come up.

Add to that my own emotions about just getting it over with and eloping vs. some "where the hell did THAT come from" dream of having a wedding day with everyone around is just tearing me apart. It seems like such a fucking waste of money to spend on one day, but it seems like such a fucking waste to not celebrate what is, quite frankly, probably the last celebration for MY life that involves both sides of my family.

The one good thing I have to say has come out of the discussion between Erich and my mom-- she gave us a budget. Finally. So at least I have THAT to work with, and thankfully that can lead to a lot more leverage in my direction.



So much for feeling happy and relaxed from vacation. I'm already more stressed out than I was before I left.